Kids will do well if they can
This statement was made by child psychologist Ross Greene (author of the Explosive Child) and I think he has given a slogan for all the misunderstood kids of our world. Every child wants to do well. From the time they are little, they are wired to move forward, achieve and relish it.
Have you seen the way a baby looks gleeful when you clap at every step she takes? As she grows older that glee comes from different skills she accomplishes — running, cycling, colouring, drawing, self-dressing, feeding herself, etc. After she joins school, she keeps getting a steady dose of it as she learns how to form letters, read, make friends. Every smiley and star from the teacher is like little fuel that keeps the motor of skill building moving forward. If things work out well for her, then she would gradually become independent, take pride in her work, regulate herself to be an efficient human being.
Then we have some kids who are just not getting it right. We rail at them for having no sense of time, being disorganised, not listening, procrastinating, being messy, scattered and yes just plain “lazy”. However, is this laziness or something else?
It could be any reasons and something more, but it is definitely not laziness. And one thing is crystal clear — shaming is not going to work and will actually damage his sense of worthiness and your relationship with him.
So what can we do instead?
- Compassionate curiosity
- Mindful of our language
- Use their strengths and skills
They will grow and flourish at their own pace which cannot be dictated by us. Remember, we cannot stopwatch our kids to success!
( Credit: Excerpts from original article by Shelja Sen )